How many Facebook friends do you have? Twitter followers? Now, how often do you speak with them… and by speak I mean in the new social network way of speaking (i.e. “liking” their status, commenting on their wall, direct messaging, re-tweeting, etc.). If you are in a relationship or married, where is the line between using these online tools as a fun place to network or as a place where you cheat?
If you ever have a moment where you do not want your husband or wife to find you huddled behind your computer chatting with a single guy or girl then you have an issue. My mom always said when I was little, “Elisha…you know what you did wrong.” Unless you’re a complete idiot you do too! Most people know when they’re venturing into the waters of “too far” or “too close” to someone else when it comes to social media.
Personally, I have created some guidelines just so I am never in the situation with my husband where I would have to “defend” myself for something stupid. There’s no reason to cross these lines and if you do, your spouse has every right to be pissed at you. It can still be a breach of trust and of commitment when you flirt with others online. My advice, talk about it before it happens and before it is blown way out of proportion. One of the biggest problems in most relationships is communication.
My Gramps has always said he and my grandmother had it easy. He means that 50 + years ago when they got married there was less, well frankly less trash in the world. There wasn’t online porn, pay per-view porn, HBO, Showtime, MTV, BET etc… Because of the many platforms available these days as couples we need to discuss these things before anything happens. It could mean a lot to a husband, but not that much to a wife. Or vice versa.
1. If you’re married and are following someone on Twitter don’t chat them up all the time.
2. Never call a married woman or man “sexy”, “hot” or any other word along those lines. Whether to their face or online.
3. If you spend more time online than with your family, then change that. Understandably, some of you work from home but I suggest you minimize the time spent working from home after normal hours and make time spent with the family more of a priority if possible.
4. If a guy I was never really friends with in high school or college wants to Facebook friend me I decline. Why go there? I didn’t go to his wedding, he didn’t come to mine. I don’t know his wife, she doesn’t know me. I was never friends with him so now why is he trying to check out my pics? Inappropriate. Don’t do it guys.
5. The work line…If you don’t want to let your entire office or company into your personal life then don’t. Keep Facebook to friends and family. And when I say friends (going back to point #4) I mean actual friends. If someone in your office gets offended then tell them your rule. It might tick them off but it’s your privacy and your life.
6. Also, when in doubt, ask. Example: I always ask the hubby if he’s okay with a picture before posting it on Twitter. Has he ever asked me to do this? No. Has he ever “demanded” it? No. I do it out of respect for him and our relationship.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Deja vu:
“Girls. You know what you did!!”" –(your parents, my parents)
bahahaha…I say that phrase to my dog sometimes when he is in trouble.
Elisha,
You are right on the money. I have called female Facebook friends ‘hot’ and my wife saw it. I didn’t think anything of it, but you and her were right! I haven’t done it since.
Also, I agree with keeping business associates off your Facebook friends list. That would be good for Linkedin.
I liked your post and agreed with most of your guidelines. However, I disagree with the part where you don’t accept Facebook requests from other men (or women). It is possible for men and women to be just friends.
I think that it is important that you can’t be so jealous or controlling on who your mate chooses who should be his/her friends. You don’t want to tell him/her what to do in their lives.
Travis, are you married? I would like to know what your wife thinks about your belief? Being “friends” in any enviroment where you are “alone” with another, even on facebook “chat” can set you up for further involvement, unless you are communicating everything to your spouse and the other person knows it.
FANTASTIC post Elisha! I totally agree…
We have to always be on guard for anything that may try to come between our relationships with our husbands (and family/close friends for that matter).